Yesterday as I was driving through the parking structure to get to my Doc’s office, this car in front of me was going like 2 mph & of course I was running late.
Without even thinking about it, I said out loud, “c’mon you jerk! What on earth is wrong with you??” And then I heard a little voice from the back seat. It was Ransom. He said loudly with an adamant tone, “Jerk!”
Oh, the shame.
I told him what I said was wrong and mean and I apologized both to him and the woman who never heard me. I told him we shouldn’t call people jerks, etc. etc.
Oh, the guilt of being a bad influence on your very impressionable 3 yr. old son.
It got me thinking about the regret Joe, Serena & Kanye are feeling in the wake of the very public displays of emotion. In some ways, I’m choosing to relate to them because I’m a very ‘high F” on the Meyers-Briggs (in other words someone who processes nearly everything through my emotions). In a nutshell, I’ve made an arse of myself more times than one can count because of public displays of anger, emotions, lust, pride, grief, passion –you name it really & I’ve likely embarrassed & shamed myself in every way possible.
I’m choosing to relate to them because they let what they were feeling in the moment dominate their sense of right and wrong. I’m choosing to relate to them because anger is a powerful emotion and one can easily be carried off by it. And lastly, though I don’t know what it’s like to be a public figure, I’m choosing to have grace on them because their careless mistakes are being played out in front of millions of people, something I’ll never have to experience though I make similar mistakes often.
Here’s what I’m not saying: I’m not saying what either of them did was a.o.k. I find all of it to be completely irresponsible and wrong on many levels despite the fact that they could be right. I.E. Maybe Beyonce should have won. I.E. Maybe Obama’s plan will include immigrants. I.E. Maybe the ref was being too hard on Serena. Who cares. There are socially acceptable ways of interacting as human beings, therefore I do not excuse them but I do ask that we stop judging them so harshly that we don’t see how we are just like them.
I was disappointed today to read many of the hurtful things that are being said about Kanye today. The article was called Kanye sparks an explosion of racism. The gist: a bunch of people doing the same thing -via twitter- that Joe, Serena & Kanye did: acting out of anger. But these folks are cowardly responding anonymously through racial slurs…
ODV1985: kanye west is monkey ass n****r! and should be lynched! taylor swift i love you girl! (these people are going somewhere in life)
JacobFredG: I realy hope I dont have any black followers and if I do just stop following me, Kanye West is a stupid n****r!
trevbandito: Watch’n the VMA’s and decicided to look up the word “N****R” In the dictionary, and low and behold was a pic. of Kanye West!!!!!!!!
Here are just 3 of the millions & millions of anonymous tweets. Lord only knows all the angry things said about Rep. Joe Wilson in regards to his racism towards Obama and on and on.
I just hope we are all able to see that these tweets, our own angry facebook status updates (I admit before I knew what happened exactly I called Kanye a “poor loser”) and whatever other context we discuss this need to be grounded in the idea that participating in that behavior makes us no better than them & maybe even worse.
{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
Amen Grace, you’re absolutely right. It’s easier for all of us to criticize the speck in another’s eye and ignore the plank in our own (myself definitely included). Thank you for the refreshing and convicting reminder of this. (FWIW, I thought Beyonce was incredibly gracious to Taylor.)
Hmm…this is a tough one, and I’m still mulling over it.
On one hand, yes we are all human, and we need to give and extend grace and mercy to one another. Mistakes are as common as sand, and I have my own personal bucket full (along with everyone else).
BUT on the other hand, with greater power comes greater responsibility (you know, the Spiderman thing), and what’s challenging is that folks who are US Representatives, world-class tennis players, and international music moguls are called to a higher standard of ‘something’ – maybe not morality, maybe not intelligence, but it’s got to be ‘something.’ When they claim to be the ‘everyman’ (or woman) and that they have feet of clay, a part of me feels that that response is just not fair. When they tell me what to buy (and even design it) or create music that I sing or make decisions on what our laws should be or give me standards of physical excellence, I am torn. I know that they are not superhuman by any stretch of imagination, but they want it to go both ways sometimes, especially when it personally benefits them.
I’m just torn.
But then, I’m just a guy in CA trying to figure things out…
I hear ya both.
Kate, I did love what Beyonce did. Kudos to her.
I agree mystery guy that they do have greater responsibility. I agree 100% & I probably should have mentioned that in the post.
I think I just wanted to present another idea -which seems obvious to me- which is that we all make very similar mistakes and when we lash out about theirs we are doing the same thing. I’m finding the judgements of others to be just as harsh as the behaviors themselves.
In terms of the model they set with their power, they let us all down. All 3 of them need to really assess & regroup. Especially, I think Rep. Joe Wilson because he disrespected the highest office on the planet.
But then, I’m just a girl from Detroit voicing her views….
Hmm.. I like what the Mystery Guy in CA has to say. And I love the Spiderman reference.
Actually, after giving this some more thought, No, I don’t think we’re all like Kanye. I don’t think you would have done what Kanye did either. Your car example isn’t on the same scale at all as what he did. Just my opinion, but there it is. It would have been just rude if he would have made comments out loud at his seat. But he didn’t do that – he WENT UP ON STAGE, TOOK THE MIC FROM SOMEONE, AND INSULTED THEM PULBICLY. He went out of his way do make sure EVERYBODY heard him. Completely different.
I work really hard (and it is SOOOO HARD SOMETIMES!!!) to stay calm and treat people respectfully, even when they are screaming at me and it’s completely unjustified (which happens occasionally at my work with someone who’s a little unstable). Sure, I make mistakes just like everybody else and have also been known to make a few comments in traffic that are just silly, but I still feel like what Kanye did is completely different.