One of my friends & InterVarsity Colleaugues Lisa L. wrote this really good post on her blog, (“Sanctification: A journey through mother, daughter, wife, student, employee, and missionaryhood with all the thoughts, memories, and follies along the way.”)
She makes several good points arguing two sides for both having smaller families for the sake of finances & freedom to having bigger families for the sake of the kids, fun & genuine love for our babies. She’s a smart gal & the post is worth your time.
The Duggar Family: "18 & Counting," I have at times been judgemental of them but why? What on earth is their big crime?
It really got me thinking today about our upcoming adventure as we welcome “Mel Reese Passion Inferno Luther Blaze Moses Biskie.” (See yesterdays post & comments to get the joke). 
For some reason the thought of welcoming baby #2 has made me 10x’s more open to welcoming baby #3 & well, even baby #4! Sometimes my desire lately for more children comes at a great surprise even to me. I’ve been saying for along time that “3 is our limit!” Now, for some weird reason, 4 sounds so nice. ay ay ay.
In many ways I’m like Lisa. I’m torn between wanting to provide for college funds, weddings & cool vacations with a smaller herd. With the bigger herd I’m totally in love with my kids but none of us get to dress very cute, we definitely don’t take yearly family vacations & only the Lord knows if we’d be able to help any of them get through college let alone weddings.
And that does not even take into account all the things I’m hoping to do which are time consuming –finish my M.Div, write a few books, speak widely & continue to advance in InterVarsity leadership. Etc. Etc.
It’s a complex issue & I hope that I can be supportive to as many of my women friends as possible who choose bigger or smaller families as I’d hope you’d support Dave & I.
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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
Grace, I JUST discovered this family this week. So weird. I guess the Duggars have a show on Bravo I think. It’s part of the Christian movement called the “quiver” movement. Based off the psalm how the Lord blesses a large quiver. Interesting – not for me:)
Wow, she’s right and you’re right (seeing so many angles to the issue and weighing it all) . This is something women really think about (and I’m sure men think about it, too.) I’ve been thinking about how many kids I’ll have ever since I was 12, or maybe younger. I was dead set on only having one or two (concerned about overpopulation) until I read “Why the Rest Hates the West” (I’m pretty sure that’s where I read it, I know it was an Urbana 06 book)
In short, I agree with the idea of having one or two and adopting one or two. I definitely want to adopt.
In my mind it linked to the whole issue of Christians with large families.
I don’t have a problem with big families, but I do worry about the motivation behind having that many children. I think it’s situational because it’s completely possible for a healthy couple with a good relationship, likely Christian, to decide together that they want 10 kids or something. But the quiverfull movement your friend referred to is actually pretty scary and linked very tightly to patriarchal stuff that lends itself to abuse within marriages. I’m oversimplifying and not meaning to offend anyone, but it’s an issue I’ve read a lot about and am really concerned about within the conservative Christian sphere.
We’re expecting #2 right now and intend to have more children at some point, but are seriously considering adoption if we can overcome some of the financial barriers…because FOR ME, that is the best way to have a big family. (Oh, and my def. of a big family = 4-6 children, fyi)
My heart’s desire is to have a big family but the Lord has not opened the doors for more than 2 kids at this time. There are a lot of advantages to having a small family and I am enjoying some of those more and more. There are also a lot of advantages to a big family. It just depends on what the Lord has for you and I’m not going to judge what you think the Lord is saying to you (Duggars) and hope that people don’t judge what I believe the Lord has said to me. I also know people whose heart’s desire was to have a small family but the Lord called them to increase their numbers through adoption or surprised them with a pregnancy. I just feel like if we truly seek God’s will for our family then it’s really nobody elses business.
well, well, well, tell like it is target shopper!
I’m right there with Targetshopper…we didn’t try for our first (I was on the pill) didn’t even think we were ready. Obviously, the Lord disagreed, now we are ready and trying for #2 and it’s not going so great. We’ve decided, with much prayerful consideration, that if it’s not to happen naturally we’ll go the foster parent route. If the Lord happens to disagree with our plans…so be it! Who am I to argue.
On a lighter note…the Duggar family freaks me out! I cannot imagine having that many children…I’d go crazy! That’s not for me at all!!