One of my fave blogs is Black Girl with Long Hair. It’s fun, inspirational & downright helpful for a gal like me with a lot of thick, curly hair.
However, today’s post included an interview from a web-designer/blogger/illustrator which included this design she made:
This is redonkulously annoying! Not to mention unfair.
You know what this says to me? It says, “black girls who choose to wear their hair with a perm, or a weave don’t love themselves.”
C’mon, seriously? Are you kidding me? Does getting a perm or pressing your hair say you don’t love yourself? What on freaking earth? Why do pro-naturals judge us so harshly? I don’t ever (& will ever) rush to judge why you choose to only go natural, rather I support you.
This picture & that overall attitude shows absolutely no progress to me in helping black women love each other. For some reason this doggone hair issue has us pitted up against each other & I hate it. I hate it, I hate it.
For whatever reason, black girls who are very pro-natural have nothing but judgement for those of us who choose to perm, press, bump or weave. (If your white, male or new to the issue, these types can be compared to the strictly pro-breastfeeeding ladies –where there is no room for formula or you must be a bad mother). So, I’m a bad black girl if I press my hair in this line of thinking. It just annoys me.
My middle-of-the-line stance is that black women can look beautiful in so many hairstyles, and it’s a matter of choice, $ & convenience what you choose to do.
I wear my hair in whatever way is most convenient & generally the cheapest for me to maintain due to my absolute brokeness right now. I get perms when my hair is long b/c it’s 90% easier to maintain then when I’m all natural. Right now I’m all natural & honest to blog, it’s a pain in the neck.
I have never in all my life with every black girl I’ve ever met, ever, ever ever, met a black girl who has articulated in any way that she just hates herself and wants to be a like a white girl & so chooses to wear her hair straight. Give me a break! And even if there are a few out there like that, why do the rest of us get thrown into the “we don’t love ourselves” bucket. arrghgh!
I’m basically demanding that all black women out here treat each other better on this issue & quit judging each other & start celebrating that we have so many wonderful style’s to choose from.
I’m tired of the pro-natural group harassing us non-natural-100%-of-the-time types.
Leave me alone.
I’ll get my perms when I feel like it. I’ll get my hair pressed when I can afford it. I’ll get my weave when I go on vacation. I’ll wear my hair natural when I have the time & energy to devote to it. I’ll do whatever style I feel beautiful in. I hope you will too! There should be no pressure. This isn’t life or death for crying out loud.
Most of all, I’ll do what I doggone please with my hair & expect that pro-natural black women will be mature enough not to presume to articulate for me what my motives must be.
In love & truth,
p.s. After I see Chris Rock’s doc I’ll write a review & perhaps a less emotive post. I am curious if any of you have ever felt this same type of judgement over your pressed hair? Or if any of you “100% natural” types will explain your position…
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Hey Grace,
I read this blog too to help me manage and get styles for my natural hair as well. I must admit though, that I am pro-natural, and I don’t see anything wrong with the art displayed. Now, I am not naive to the fact that recently, there has been a ridiculous amount of tension between natural women and non-natural women. But, what I see in that art is an appreciation of natural beauty that I wish my mom would have passed on to me when I was younger, in the same way that I sometimes wished my mom would have set an example for me as far as make-up, and other cultural norms that I have adopted as necessities. To me, the picture doesn’t say that Black women who wear relaxed hair don’t love themselves, but I DO think it suggests that Black women who wear their hair relaxed could be making a powerful statement to their children, especially daughters, that they are not aware of.
I recently saw a segment of Oprah where a Black woman went natural because her 4 or 5 year old daughter was complaining that her hair wasn’t as pretty as the other girls in her class who happened to be White. I was amazed by this. Personally, I have just come to love the natural texture of my hair. I have NO CLUE what my mother’s natural hair looks like, and as a child, I wanted my hair to look ‘normal’, like my mom’s, hence 21 years of relaxers. Although my children probably won’t have my hair texture, I DO agree with the statement in that picture, and I take it as a challenge, not only for my hair, but for beauty in general. There may be times or a season, where I need to set the example for my daughter to not wear make-up to feel beautiful, in the same way that some may need to set the example that chemically altered hair does not make one beautiful.
In explaining to those who are not aware of this issue, I would say that it’s way more complex than the breast feeding issue. This is an issue that is entangled with societal standards of beauty, colorism, and it definitely IS an issue of self love for most Black women, let’s be honest. I don’t think this can be watered down to a bunch of pro-natural women bashing on non-natural women. I think that it is mainly a question of women asking each other ‘Do you believe that you are enough, just the way that you are?, Do you love yourself enough to love your hair and all of the ‘issues’ that it seems to have with maintenance?” I think that is the question that many women who have natural hair are longing to ask those who have decided against it. And sometimes, the answer is “yes”. But I will say, that for most African-American women that I have talked to, the answer is ‘no’. I have ridiculously tight, coily hair that shrinks if it even sees water. I can not comb it unless it is wet and drenched in conditioner. It takes serious time to style my hair, and if it were relaxed, it would be easy as pie to take care of. But like many Black women, I loved relaxers because I did not love my hair. I don’t want my children to need to have something in order to love themselves.
I still wear weaves, and hopefully, I will soon learn to press my hair
but my decision to remain natural is definitely to continue the journey of loving myself the way God created me, and to encourage other Black women to do the same.
Atta girl!
Girl, I feel you! I didn’t feel enraged when I saw the picture. I felt that it was a good decision for THAT woman, and I support her. I have had a perm, had braids, been natural, and now press my hair. I do feel judgement from some women who only go natural, but not all of them. Yes, I think it’s a choice, but history, and not just convenience, is connected to that choice. I think that going natural is something that every black woman should try because society has told us that it isn’t beautiful. I think that each of us needs to become okay with how we are Naturally, just as the good Lord made us! (And this includes make-up and other levels of fakeness or “enhancement.”) I think that once you have tried the natural look and other looks, then you can make a fully informed decision about how you want to wear your hear. Then one day, you can flaunt one style, and the next day or month or year, another. I wore my hear natural last week. It was great, but a lot of work. This week it’s pressed, and maintenance is a piece of cake. To each her own. However, we must always remember that the personal is political and always within the context of history.
Thanks for your feedback ladies! I agree with so much of what you said Tereva, (& Chante for that matter) however, like so many things in life I’ve just had a different experience.
My mother was white & because of that she knew nothing about perms & taught me to take care of my naturally. I remember the historic moment when I saw when of my good friends, Renita go into the lake & watched in awe as her hair stayed straight. She was the one -in 8th grade- who explained to me what a perm was!
So, for me there was no connection growing up at least to perm/loving your texture, etc.
I do understand the deep & complex historical issues which is why I’m doing a “Part 2″ this morning, mostly after I slept on it I realized there was so much more to say. Hopefully, I can iron out the kinks. (pun intended).
I’ve been natural ( chemical free) my entire life. I wear my natural curls, braids, press, weaves- you name it! But I make a point to stay away from chemicals ( except color).
I am pro natural because I’ve found that soooo many black women do not embrace their hair in its natural state. Most think their natural hair is too unmanageable, too ‘kinky’, doesn’t curl and the list goes on and on. What saddens me the most is that most of the women who swear by perms don’t even know what their natural hair looks or feels like. What comes natural has never gotten a chance.
I think its our womanly gift to switch up our looks, but please take time to learn about your natural hair and learn how to properly care for it.
I remember being a tender headed little girl, begging my mom to give me a perm. She always shot me down and told me I didn’t need one. It was another way to increase our mother/daughter bond; she took time to do my hair, tell me my natural hair was beautiful and taught me how to properly care for my hair. I remember asking why I didn’t have straight hair like the white girls in class and she said it was because I was a reflection of God and that’s what he wanted me to have so “appreciate what you’ve been given and treat it as a gift.”
After that conversation I was set.
I hear you Brittni, I really do. And I admit, I feel like my natural hair -while really pretty- is basically hard to manage & I get so sick of the daily grind. Kind of like if I had an illness that cost me more time every day then why I wouldn’t I take medicine to ease the time it took to daily treat it. Ya know? At the same time, when it looks good, I’m amazed!
Eventually, I’d like to try dreads… but I know I’ll get so bored… maybe 6 month short dreads
The “hair” issue has been a huge issue in the black community, probably since the inception of the Willie Lynch doctrine. I personally, have never had a perm but when people see my hair they automatically think that I get them (perms). However, I just recently got permanent color, which is a chemical. It may not have totally changed the texture of my hair but it’s still a chemical. I also have been getting my hair pressed since I was a young tike (believe me, I vividly remember the horror of getting burned on the nape of my neck and can still hear my mom tellin’ me “be quiet girl, it’s not that bad!). So, color and press, but no perm. Most people believe that if you don’t have a perm, then you’re natural. But I’ve seen plenty of women who were “natural” but have color in their hair. So, I guess the question I’m asking is what constitutes as natural hair?
Another thing, I think I’m tired of this whole natural, perm, press, weave debate. I understand how crucial this issue has been in our community, but I think that at the end of the day it’s about appearance and upkeep. Because hair is quite obvious and one of the first things you see on a person, we want it to look good; appearances sake. Also, it’s about healthy hair. You can have natural hair and be a nubian princess that has a new-found love for God and yourself, but if you don’t maintain it, you will be a bald nubian princess! Which is cool too, if you like it. If you have weave, perm, press, natural, fade, color, jerry curl, or locks you should be satisfied with how it looks, if it’s healthy and how it makes you feel.