Comments on: parent directed feeding vs. demand feeding

By: Darlene Beaune

Darlene Beaune — Tue, 27 Apr 2010 16:36:50 +0000

Dear Gracee, Every child is different, but as you nurse him, they seem to make their own schedule, and that is what i did, I followed with that. They eventually gave into my schedule. It takes time, but it all works out in the end. I know, because I had some happy babies. Lots of luck and happiness. I know you will see it through. Love, Mom PS: I also played music ie: Baby Jesus songs, It works.

By: Lila

Lila — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 23:37:35 +0000

Being a mother means you lovingly sacrifice yourself for your children. Not popular, but self-sacrifice usually isn’t.

By: What makes me Smile :) - gabbing with grace

What makes me Smile :) - gabbing with grace — Sun, 06 Dec 2009 21:57:24 +0000

[...] you may have read from yesterday’s blog, it was our first day to officially put Rhys on the Babywise sleep system. With about 30 hours [...]

By: Grace

Grace — Sun, 06 Dec 2009 18:02:23 +0000

Rachel, I think the mixture is a really good idea. (Dave says so too & also wants me to add that he misses hanging out with you & your family & would like to schedule something soon). Again, it’s the disposition of the care-takers that really matters. I should say that with Ransom we didn’t always follow the rules… the leniency allowed us to keep going with the basic babywise principles.

Oh, Emily I love you! Thank you so much for your gracious response though I know you see things so differently! As Dave & I read your comment we both really agree with you about the crying thing. With Ransom (& now with Rhys too) we are able to differentiate their differing cries (pain vs. hungry vs. bored etc.). And we do respond appropriately & feel totally comfortable going in to rescue.

I should also say that after two nap sessions we changed our tune! Instead of letting Rhys cry for 15 min. at a time we reduced it to 4! I just couldn’t take it. And such it was such a shock to his system, I actually did pick him up. And then being an even further woos I also gave him his pacifier back! See, I’m not as hard as I come off.

Lisa, you are so right! The more food the more gas! Last night was a good testimony to that, I’ll update that in a minute.

Erin, I’m so sorry about the way the arthritis is affecting your ability to nurse! Even though I complain, I still love doing it & can probably surmise you feel the same way. Sounds like she’s doing great though –good job! Dave & I had a good laugh about your image of cows lined up.

Thanks everybody for your prayers & concern. Last night wasn’t actually the terror I thought it would be & I’m just about to write a follow up blog to our progress.

By: Erin M.

Erin M. — Sun, 06 Dec 2009 02:43:08 +0000

Well, I only get to breast feed for one more month(I was just diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis and will be starting a new drug regimen) so I am ok with her demand feeding…but to be honest…if I didn’t see an end in the near future I might have already quit by now. I understand your frustration with feeling like a human pacifier. When Brian comes to me an hour after her last feeding and says, “Honey, I think she’s hungry.” I sometimes want to cry…it feels like she is latched on to me all day long. I have days where I feel like I should just plant myself in my chair with the Boppy wrapped around me. I have visions of a dairy farm…the cows all lined up with milk machines attached to them…lol. I honestly think it will be easier for me to get her on a good feeding schedule on formula. With breastfeeding I always have a guilty feeling that I am not giving her enough…so I guilt myself into feeding her when she wants. But I also am a SAHM that doesn’t have to worry about a schedule. I also have to note…this isn’t an every day occurrence. She has about one day a week(avg.) that she cluster feeds…also, she sleeps through the night without any feedings…so I guess to keep things in perspective…she gives us the whole night so I try not to complain too much about her having 1 or 2 days a week of catch up.

Grace, you obviously did a wonderful job with Ransom and I know you will do a wonderful job with Rhys. You may not be able to use the same technique this time around as every baby is unique, but YOU know what is best for your baby.

By: Lisa

Lisa — Sun, 06 Dec 2009 02:10:48 +0000

i hate this debate. i’ll just say this. jesse and rhys have the exact same problem. gas 1/4 of their life at this age. it got better for jesse after about 2 months. i think the danger is that with a baby like that nursing is all that will make them stop crying, but then it seems to cause more crying later because more nursing = more gas. it’s a vicious cycle. they do outgrow it though. jesse seldom has a problem at this point.

By: Sara

Sara — Sun, 06 Dec 2009 02:02:06 +0000

I’ll be praying for all of you and will be interested to hear how things are going after a week or so!

By: Emily

Emily — Sun, 06 Dec 2009 01:16:27 +0000

I have a lot I could say, but won’t.
Just make sure you are allowing for growth spurts. Sometimes increased nursing is baby’s way of trying to increase your supply during a growth spurt. Plus your milk supply is greatest during the early morning hours. Ok, one more thing. Crying bothers us for a reason. I’m not saying it’s never okay to let baby cry, but I would be careful laying down these hard and fast rules for yourself….to absolutely not pick him up when he cries. He’s trying to tell you something. What if something’s not right…he’s sick or hurting? I don’t know. I know this is in extreme examples, but babies stop crying when they know no one is going to respond. Maybe I’m particularly sensitive to this as an adoptive parent, but I would NEVER let my babies cry (that certain cry) without responding. It would traumatize them further. They need to learn that I WILL respond to them. That their needs WILL be met. They will no longer be left to cry without a response. I think, too, it’s for me a belief that until they are older (at least older than a year, but maybe not even until they are as old as 18-24 months), they don’t have any sense of wants or the ability to manipulate. When they cry it is because there is a need. I think a middle ground can be a good choice. Having some structure and goals to create peace and less neediness to make sure the rest of you are well, while making sure you aren’t so strict as too lose sensitivity to baby’s needs. Maybe if I’d tried the Babywise approach, I’d have a better understanding of the peace and order it can create. I do hope it works well for you and you can get back to feeling refreshed and rejuvenated. Ok, I said more than I meant to. My best to you, Gracie. Rhys is absolutely beautiful and your mothering is the mothering he needs.

By: Judy Tiemeyer

Judy Tiemeyer — Sun, 06 Dec 2009 00:46:24 +0000

I’ll be praying for patience and strength for you tonight. I’ve done it and it only took a few days/nights and it got better each night. Keep us updated!

By: Rachel

Rachel — Sun, 06 Dec 2009 00:10:42 +0000

Wow, Grace, there are few things more ferociously debated than babywise vs. attachment parenting! I have a feeling this will bring LOTS of comments.

I have actually done a mixture of this with all of my kids. I believe that systems are not necessarily what make a baby happy or healthy. I believe every baby, parent, and situation are so different, that you cannot possibly use the same solution for every child.

This time around with Judah I used the attachment parenting model for a long time. For some reason I just couldn’t stand hearing him cry and it was much easier to just pull him out of bed and nurse than listen to him cry and feel guilty about this. You would think that I would get more hard-nosed the more children I had… exactly the opposite for me. I wouldn’t change how I did it any this time or any other time, however, Judah did become a wake up 2-3 times a night baby that was still waking up all the time at 5.5 months… and he was sleeping with us half the night.

Eventually I decided that my quality of life was not very good anymore, much less my parenting ability. So we took the plunge, listened to crying (that actually only lasted a couple of days) and finally started sleeping better. It was so easy, and he fell into a schedule so quickly I almost felt like he was saying “It’s about time momma, why didn’t you try this earlier?”

I know my attachment feeding friends would be disappointed and my babywise friends didn’t understand my hesitation. It’s a good thing I really don’t have to run everything by them, huh? It sounds like you and Dave are making the right decision and that little Rhys needs some kind of change anyway. He doesn’t sound like a super content baby, and there’s a good chance part of his gas issue is that he is always eating…. I hope this weekend goes well and that he adjusts quickly. Good luck!