Life is about to be a different bit and I’m feeling up to the challenge. As I mentioned a little while ago in my blog about depression that sometimes when I’m facing major transitions I get so overwhelmed I can barely get started. Thank God, right now is not one of those times.
In order to live the type of life I want to live, I forced myself through fear to undergo several major transitions in the past few years. From beginning my grad work to obtain an M.Div, to applying for (& getting!) a brand new job within InterVarsity, to going on a 12-month sabbatical in my work with InterVarsity, to focusing on writing a book, to taking on more interesting speaking engagements, to deciding to move forward with baby #2, heck, even moving my blog to WordPress was a stressful transition for me. The changes have been back-to-back-to-back.
And now, here comes the next biggie…
After a healthy amount of thought, and prayers, and tears, and discussion with my husband, and best friends and supervisors we decided that -starting tomorrow- from now on, until further notice, I’m dropping my hours to 20 a week. This, as opposed to the 40-50 hours per week I’ve been clocking since I began ministry with InterVarsity in Jan. 2001.
Why is that such a big deal? you may be asking. Especially since the change doesn’t represent a change of income, thanks to my new promotion as the BCM Regional Coordinator.
Well, if your interested in why I’ve been stressing like a mug, keep reading.
For one, my life as a mother has been spent as a full-time working mother. When our first born, Ransom was born I went straight back to work with an increasing amount of travel. For the most part, I’ve really enjoyed my working life with IV, especially since it is super flexible and is very family friendly. Ransom traveled with me on about half my trips.
But now, I’m not going to just be defined as a “working mother.” I’m going to have to learn what it means to do the things my stay-at-home-mom friends do. Things like making a schedule for each day when “all you do is watch the kids all day.” Things like learning to grocery shop and run errands with kids in tow because what other option is there.
Believe it or not, I’ve never done these things. My work has been flexible enough to allow errands during childcare hours. I’m actually a wee bit nervous at trying to figure out how to keep a house, watch the kids, get dinner going and take care of myself all day, 3 times a week.
I feel like a terribly wimpy mother for owning up to this, but it’s true. It feels easier to pack up my laptop and head to campus every day honestly.
Number two, being a Mama who also happens to LOVE my job makes this transition all the more hard. I like what I do. Every day is different. I long for all sorts of new and exciting challenges and there’s a job I want to see get done. For that reason alone, I have enjoyed throwing myself completely into the job of seeing college students transformed by and for Jesus. Now, I have to learn to do all of what I was doing, plus adding other campuses in Michigan, Ohio, W. Pennsylvania and W. Virginia –in 20 non-stretchable hours!
Finally, it’s scary to think about all the things that I’m going to be thinking about everyday and learning to manage it all. Things like…
- Have I showered today? I need to shower. I need to spend time with God and pray. I need to eat breakfast and make time to workout.
- Rhys needs to eat.
- Are the kids clothes clean? When was the last they were bathed?
- What are we having for dinner? That reminds me to go to the bank, and to the grocery store.
- What about bills? When was the last time I opened mail? Where is my checkbook?
- What do I need to help Ransom do for pre-school? Rhys needs to eat.
- I need to blog today. (I have to at least every 3 days to keep my ads).
- What I need to do for school? I should finish reading that book. I’m tired I should go to bed.
- We need to send out an email to our donors. We need to write thank you notes to our donors.
- I need to think about our students at WMU –what’s next? (A list of 30 to-do’s ensues).
- What are my 50 next steps in fund-development?
- Rhys needs to eat.
- And when should I next try to tackle more book writing? I’m tired, I should just go to bed… or blog… or clean.
- What all needs to happen so that I can get myself and the boys up and ready to go and be out the door by 8:30am. (A miracle I’m sure).
Etc. Etc. Etc.
The thing is, I know all mothers -working part-time, full-time, or no-time- learn to manage house, husband, babies, jobs, dreams, goals, school, etc. so I think I, too can do these things.
My friend, J, who is a stay-at-home Mama is very overwhelmed with her two school-aged kids.
Another friend of mine is very overwhelmed as a full-time working Mama of two.
Then there’s me 1/2 my time working & 1/2 my time staying-at-home –also wondering if this will work.
We all do it, with different levels of fear and trepidation.
I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. I think I can.
Any advice from you Mama’s of any variety?
Here goes nothin’… 
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Relax and enjoy! As you listen to God, He will give you peace and help you organize your new life. The kids grow up so quickly and, as you look back, this will be a very special time in your life. I admire you for taking this step and as always, we’ll be praying for you, David and the boys.
You know, as a part-time working mama myself I think it’s a special kind of hard. You’re home enough to feel like you should be on top of everything have no excuse for your house not to be in order and your kids whipped into shape…but really to me it feels like I’m trying to find a balance that is really difficult. Like, I’m not fully at work or fully at home…
)
I like my set up, I don’t think I’d change it if I could right now, but still, it’s tough. Am I being a downer? Don’t mean to be, there are lots of nice things too…like you’re away from your kids just enough to miss them but not so much that you miss anything
Kate, I’m with you. I’ve been 20 or 30 hrs per week ever since I had kids. I feel like I am a stay at home mom and also a working mom. I like it that way, but you have to let things go. Most of the time for me, it’s cleaning. Can’t be super mom. The weirdest part for me is that stay at home moms don’t identify with me because I work, but I feel like I also stay home. I’m somewhere in between.
Grace, I’m thinking of working less post-Sabbatical as well. It’s hard to know the right way to make these decisions.
well i have been back to work all of five days and it has been a rollercoster. i think the best i can do is try not to be hard on myself for the choices i have to make. i dont love my work so it makes it hard to go do it and leave kennedy. i will say the rythym of it is coming though. its working because i have a routine. the best advice i can say is from the baby whisperer book. Start how you intend to finish. (or something like that
think @ what routine you want before hand then excute it for a while. the emotions of it i cant say much about because i just havent reconciled leaving my daughter to go do something i tolerate at best. wishing you well in transition. kiss the boys for me,
Grace, consider this a big cyber hug.
A wise man named Greg Jao once quipped, “If I weren’t in some sort of life transition I would be dead.” At least, I remember Greg saying something like that.
You are in the trenches of a very physically demanding season of parenting. Your boys need your unconditional love, but they need you to get this and that, change a diaper, sit for a feeding, wake up at strange hours of the night and morning, etc.
You are also in the spiritual trenches. The enemy will mess with you as you walk in obedience to the only calling that is important – God’s calling.
But as you try to juggle all of the demands on your time, stop to ask yourself if you really trust God. Don’t say “yes” to things because you are afraid that saying “no” means “never” or get too frustrated that you have to say “no”. I spent too much energy agonizing over decisions because I felt like those opportunities would never come again. What I know a little more now is that God loves me infinitely more than any of those opportunities will.
I’m so happy to be on this life journey with you, Sara, Kate, Lisa, Patrice & Kathy. Your comments are so thoughtful and helpful!
Now that its Friday at 6pm, I can say the 1st week went well! I got two hours less work done than I should have although we all know that in InterVarsity world I will surely make up for that eventually, probably even sooner than I want to!
I’m also realizing -just this week- how much I really do enjoy being home with my boys in that “focus on them” time. It’s really nice to think “today is just for them.” Also, I was able to get my hair done during a work week ~ that’s pretty awesome!
Lastly, I have been feeling like God is asking me to grow in flexibility (for quite awhile now) and I think this week was all about that as I can see it will be for a very long time. Kids under 3 are just demanding and thats that. Also, I really really want another baby at some point. This phase of my life is going to last at least 3-5 more years so I may as well take it all in stride.
It was so helpful this week & I mean SO HELPFUL to have my direction appointment & an 8-hr. retreat of silence this week. It clarified so much for me as far living this new 20/20 reality. Maybe what came through the best was this notion that you speak of Kathy: the fact that more opportunities will come (with time, age, wisdom, growth, etc.) and that it’s not mine to have right now… I need patience, wisdom and a healthy bunch of delayed gratification.
Oddly enough (or maybe not so odd) the hardest thing about this week was getting Rhys up at the same every day. I was shooting for 7am and “overshot” everyday by about 2.5 hrs. ha! M’boy likes to sleep in… just like Mama & Daddy.
Dang that was so long it could have been another whole blog post. Maybe I’ll do that…
tomorrow.
-g
Grace-
Getting to this blog really late…but the best piece of advice I was ever given about motherhood was from the ridiculously crazy and wonderful woman I nannied for a decade ago. She didn’t work, and I took care of her children 90% of the time, but the 10% she gave them felt like 110% and I asked her once point blank why that was. She told me this “As a mother we have 2 choices, you can tackle everything (clean house, amazing meals, laundry that’s always done) or you can let that stuff slide. I choose to let it slide and spend that time with the kids, because that’s what they will remember. Nobody remembers if their house was clean when they were 5 years old.” And she was right. So that’s what I do with Kayden.
I work 40+ hours a week in the office, and I’m always taking phone calls at home and dealing with work. That’s my job and I love it. I average about 2 hours with Kayden a night during the week. The weekends are full of swim lessons, church and sunday school, and now we are at the start of house hunting. I let the little stuff go, and do it after I hang out with Jason for a while. She’s never going to remember if the house was clean or the laundry piles were huge, so why should I stress over it?
I miss you loads!
Alison,
I miss you too & I forgive you for being “ridiculously late.”
I try to remember that too, (about kids not caring about clean) except that my hubby has ADD & gets like majorly sidetracked & depleted in a messy house & Ransom actually does care! (just my luck, eh?) He’ll be like “the house is really messy, I can’t even play here, let’s clean it up.” ay ay ay. But in lots of ways I do put the kids over cleaning… which is why our house gets sooooo bad. I need to swing the other way actually and let the kids learn have a Mommy break from me for 30 minutes while I clean! 