Comments on: Suicide: In Memory of My Friend http://www.gabbingwithgrace.com/2010/01/09/suicide-in-memory-of-my-friend/ From Sippees to Sermons Thu, 09 Feb 2012 21:04:53 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v= By: Grace http://www.gabbingwithgrace.com/2010/01/09/suicide-in-memory-of-my-friend/comment-page-1/#comment-1567 Grace Tue, 19 Jan 2010 22:13:01 +0000 http://www.gabbingwithgrace.com/?p=1756#comment-1567 Erika, Thank you so much for commenting. What I heard from someone was that he "chose" to go. It was a very brief conversation with little kids in the room, so it was decidedly detail-free. I began to wonder, after reading Jill's remarks. I apologize for the error, as I assumed the source I heard it from was completely reliable. I appreciate your letting me know. God bless. Erika,

Thank you so much for commenting. What I heard from someone was that he “chose” to go. It was a very brief conversation with little kids in the room, so it was decidedly detail-free. I began to wonder, after reading Jill’s remarks. I apologize for the error, as I assumed the source I heard it from was completely reliable. I appreciate your letting me know. God bless.

]]> By: erika http://www.gabbingwithgrace.com/2010/01/09/suicide-in-memory-of-my-friend/comment-page-1/#comment-1566 erika Tue, 19 Jan 2010 21:24:28 +0000 http://www.gabbingwithgrace.com/?p=1756#comment-1566 hi grace, I googled ryan's name to (re-)find the text for his memorial service on the Douglas UCC website, and I stumbled across your blog. I hope you don't mind my commenting, but I wanted to take a moment to dispel the notion that ryan committed suicide. I usually describe ryan as my best friend, or my dearest friend, but in truth there are no words to describe what he meant to me. friend just doesn't cut it. brother might be closer, but it still doesn't quite seem big enough to fit around the position that he held in my life. he was a kindred spirit. he loved me unconditionally and he made sure to tell me that all the time. he was honest, and fearless, and loyal, and I know without a doubt that he would never have intentionally left his family and friends with this much grief. those who knew ryan well knew the struggles he faced in life. in the last 15 months of his life, one of those struggles was with alcohol. I don't feel comfortable about going into the details of what he went through, but it is and will always be my firm belief that he wanted to overcome that problem, and was trying to do so daily, even on the day that he passed. the information that I have about what happened that day, and knowing his history in detail, leads me to believe that his death was purely accidental. autopsy results may eventually confirm this for us, but until then we have to rely on what we know about him. and what I know beyond any doubt is that he loved the people in his life far too much to have ever caused them this kind of pain. hi grace,

I googled ryan’s name to (re-)find the text for his memorial service on the Douglas UCC website, and I stumbled across your blog. I hope you don’t mind my commenting, but I wanted to take a moment to dispel the notion that ryan committed suicide.

I usually describe ryan as my best friend, or my dearest friend, but in truth there are no words to describe what he meant to me. friend just doesn’t cut it. brother might be closer, but it still doesn’t quite seem big enough to fit around the position that he held in my life. he was a kindred spirit. he loved me unconditionally and he made sure to tell me that all the time. he was honest, and fearless, and loyal, and I know without a doubt that he would never have intentionally left his family and friends with this much grief.

those who knew ryan well knew the struggles he faced in life. in the last 15 months of his life, one of those struggles was with alcohol. I don’t feel comfortable about going into the details of what he went through, but it is and will always be my firm belief that he wanted to overcome that problem, and was trying to do so daily, even on the day that he passed. the information that I have about what happened that day, and knowing his history in detail, leads me to believe that his death was purely accidental. autopsy results may eventually confirm this for us, but until then we have to rely on what we know about him. and what I know beyond any doubt is that he loved the people in his life far too much to have ever caused them this kind of pain.

]]> By: Jill V. Z. http://www.gabbingwithgrace.com/2010/01/09/suicide-in-memory-of-my-friend/comment-page-1/#comment-1480 Jill V. Z. Sun, 10 Jan 2010 19:33:43 +0000 http://www.gabbingwithgrace.com/?p=1756#comment-1480 I don't know if Ryan actually committed suicide, or if it was just excessive alcohol, but I think the "not knowing" makes it hard too. Anyway, the thing I love most about Ryan is that he was such a paradox. You would never expect such a big guy to be as sweet and gentle as he was, but he was. You would never expect someone who struggled as much as he did to have a deep and abiding faith in God as he did, but he did. You would never expect someone who had been so badly treated by so many to want to go into ministry and help people, but that's what he wanted. The man wrote redunkulously good sermons, even though he wasn't planning on being a conventional pastor. And I never expected him to talk to ME, someone whose views were completely different until I met him. I think PJ wrote it best on his FB. "Because I knew you, I have been changed for good." I miss you Ryan, but thank you. I only wish you knew before this that you life has not been a waste. What amazing things God would have done with and through you for the good of his Body. I don’t know if Ryan actually committed suicide, or if it was just excessive alcohol, but I think the “not knowing” makes it hard too. Anyway, the thing I love most about Ryan is that he was such a paradox. You would never expect such a big guy to be as sweet and gentle as he was, but he was. You would never expect someone who struggled as much as he did to have a deep and abiding faith in God as he did, but he did. You would never expect someone who had been so badly treated by so many to want to go into ministry and help people, but that’s what he wanted. The man wrote redunkulously good sermons, even though he wasn’t planning on being a conventional pastor. And I never expected him to talk to ME, someone whose views were completely different until I met him. I think PJ wrote it best on his FB. “Because I knew you, I have been changed for good.” I miss you Ryan, but thank you. I only wish you knew before this that you life has not been a waste. What amazing things God would have done with and through you for the good of his Body.

]]> By: Jill http://www.gabbingwithgrace.com/2010/01/09/suicide-in-memory-of-my-friend/comment-page-1/#comment-1473 Jill Sat, 09 Jan 2010 19:35:54 +0000 http://www.gabbingwithgrace.com/?p=1756#comment-1473 thank you, grace . . . what i loved about Ryan is that he made me/us better. Ryan care-fully rearranged my thoughts about many things, making my mind bigger, and my heart more open. Ryan loved those of us in student services so well and i'm so glad he stopped in on december 17 with a plate of christmas treats and a hug for us. They were so good and so was he. i will miss Ryan Ende, and am a better person because i knew Ryan Ende . And you're right . . . he always wore the best shoes. thank you, grace . . . what i loved about Ryan is that he made me/us better. Ryan care-fully rearranged my thoughts about many things, making my mind bigger, and my heart more open. Ryan loved those of us in student services so well and i’m so glad he stopped in on december 17 with a plate of christmas treats and a hug for us. They were so good and so was he. i will miss Ryan Ende, and am a better person because i knew Ryan Ende . And you’re right . . . he always wore the best shoes.

]]> By: Amanda Sternberg http://www.gabbingwithgrace.com/2010/01/09/suicide-in-memory-of-my-friend/comment-page-1/#comment-1472 Amanda Sternberg Sat, 09 Jan 2010 14:18:27 +0000 http://www.gabbingwithgrace.com/?p=1756#comment-1472 Grace - I think this is the first time I've commented on your blog...I'm one of your blog stalkers. :-) I was really good friends with this person when we were in high school. We lost touch after high school - only "reconnecting" recently through FB, which is how I learned of his death. His death was a shock to all of us who knew him from high school. He was such a lovable, caring, sensitive person. I have so many good memories of my friendship with him. I know that in recent years he struggled with a number of issues, but like you am mourning the fact that he felt the ending his life was the only option. He has been in my thoughts many times too for the past couple of weeks. Thank-you for the support you and other students at Western showed him as he finished his degree. I'm sure all you did for him means more than he ever expressed. I know his family is grateful too. Amanda Sternberg Grace – I think this is the first time I’ve commented on your blog…I’m one of your blog stalkers. :-)

I was really good friends with this person when we were in high school. We lost touch after high school – only “reconnecting” recently through FB, which is how I learned of his death.

His death was a shock to all of us who knew him from high school. He was such a lovable, caring, sensitive person. I have so many good memories of my friendship with him. I know that in recent years he struggled with a number of issues, but like you am mourning the fact that he felt the ending his life was the only option. He has been in my thoughts many times too for the past couple of weeks.

Thank-you for the support you and other students at Western showed him as he finished his degree. I’m sure all you did for him means more than he ever expressed. I know his family is grateful too.

Amanda Sternberg

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