Cutie-Patootie's
Picture this: Last night we were sleeping in a college dorm room. (The kids were in the next room, baby monitor on –not to worry)!
We are at Bowling Green University for an InterVarsity Staff Conference. We were too lazy to push our beds together so we are in beds across from the room from each other with the lights off pouring our hearts out to one another in the dark at 1am in the morning.
At one point I said: “this is fun.”
Dave: “How so?”
Me: “It ‘s kind of like were back in college again, sneaking off to each other’s dorm room to hang out. It’s like were best friends.”
Dave: “best friends with perks.”
Amen to marital perks.
Anyway, it got me thinking about how there are so many aspects of our marriage that are very cool. One of them being the fact that we get to travel together as we work alongside one another serving students on staff with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship/USA.
You & I both know I am the first one to labor on and on about how difficult marriage is, how often Dave & I misunderstand each other, how we bicker like toddlers, how we’ve had MAJOR issues, how we go to marriage counseling. How I once (or twice) hated Dave -yes, while we were married-, how it’s not always looked like a sunny future, etc. etc.
There’s no shame in my game. Marriage is tough. If your a regular reader though, you know were in it to win it. Divorce not being an option, so we better -as Tim Gunn says- “make it work!”
But, what I rarely talk about though is when things are great between us –let’s just be honest, how interesting is that right?
Well, let’s test my theory…
Last night while we were chatting it up in our dorm room in the dark, we were having a great convo about some of the particular stresses of living out our calling: the nuances that make it complicated for us to travel alone (often) and as a family of four, the ways we feel stressed about leaving a messy house behind, about fundraising and managing an ever growing budget in the midst of a national recession, how draining student ministry can be, how stretched and pulled we often feel, how we sometimes just want to be alone and on and on and on.
The conversation helped me to remember how much I love my husband: how he’s on my side and how I know he understands what I feel and I think and I know to be true about having a weird job with weird hours and weird pay. We are in this together, I was reminded.
I love how we agree about some of the major things in life: God, Jesus, faith, how that faith should be lived out, what expression that faith takes when considering what to do with money, with the poor, with parenting, etc.
We value all of the exact same things and agree about how to incorporate those things into our lives: things like racial reconciliation, the care for the poor, giving/stewardship, discipleship of the mind, etc.
Ahhh, togetherness in warm, beautiful places (the 10 year anniversary vacay)
We are on the same page about relationships and boundaries and what that should like in regards to inlaws, to being asked for money, to the way we pursue our friendships, etc. etc.
Overall, we have organically grown to value, live out and seek to live in very similar ways –and that my friend, makes marriage a lot easier.
(Though if your around us you know we can get into a heated argument about whether the sky is light blue or opaque blue, or bright blue — we’ll never quite be perfect, eh?) 
There are so many times we’ll be in a room together and some one will say something -usually about faith issues, or God, or race issue, or student ministry- and we’ll just look at each other knowing we are thinking the exact same thing about what the person said.
I love how we live in each other’s brain like that.
In light of our recent 10 year wedding anniversary, I thought it would be good to do a post that appreciates my honey especially as we have been trudging through the rocky marital waters of marriage counseling.
Here’s to marriage,
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
awe, grace, this is one of your best posts and makes me love you guys even more! thanks for your honesty when things are bad and when they are good (when they are good, they are really really good aren’t they!?). and once again, i wish that i was there!!!! I miss all of the IV travel!!!!!
Wonderful post Grace! I’m glad you don’t whitewash the difficulties of marriage, while at the same time I can know you’re doing okay. Even my mom will admit that there were times in her marriage where one or both wanted OUT. But, as you say, divorce is not an option.